On Friday dawn, I woke up to an SMS from Elin that says "MJ is dead. Dont feel so sad ok?". For a moment, I was shocked. Running through my head was the person that MJ stands for. I thought of my Grandma but we didnt call her MJ. Sleepiness got the better of my, i shrug it off and went back to bed.

It was only after I trule woke up then i realise, she must mean Michael Jackson.

And if you are wondering why my sister will ask me not to feel too sad. That's cos I was a HUGE fan of MJ. Michael Jackson was born 29 August 1958. I was born 1 September 1982. Because our birthdays are only 2 days apart, as a kid, I always thought him and I have a special connection.

Michael was my first love. I sang his songs. I wore his t-shirt (til it faded). I went to his concert. I taped over Echiing's beloved Madonna's Immaculate concert with Michael's B&W MTV. I even cried when those stupid children sued him for molestation. And every year for my birthday, my wish was to go to Neverland Ranch.

"Man in the Mirror" was my favourite song. And in those days with where Internet was not available, I wrote his lyrics down while listening to the song again and again.

As a kid, I never imagine Michael growing old. Or dying. He was 50 when he died.

Over the entire weekend, I watched documentaries of Michael, news coverage of his passing and his music videos...something rekindled inside. And guilt rushed over me because I felt that I had abandoned him for the past 10 - 15 years.

I am sorry. And rest in peace. You are to me what Elvis is to my dad and tho I am not as fanatical, you were my first love. Even before Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. =)