Maternal Relationship - A love-hate relationship

Disappointment does not even begin to describe her feelings towards her mum lately. Now, in her twenties, she has been on a 20 years roller coaster ride of emotions with her mother. They went through a series of love-hate relationship, love relationship and hate relationship. And to think she thought that things have been great since her going away to study and coming back. At least now my mother sees me as an adult, she thought.

But all good things have to come to an end someday. Recently, her mother’s actions have left her feeling un-loved and disappointment. It all started with an incident 3 weeks ago.

It was a stormy evening. Looking out at her office window, she could only see the heavy rain platting onto the building and the dark clouds that looms above. It was 6pm and she just wanted to go home after a long day at work. Seeing the bad weather, she called her mum, only to realize that her mum was already home from work. After she enquired if her mum can go over to fetch her mum, her mother’s only cold hearted reply was that she would meet into bad traffic jam at this time. She pleaded with her mum to pick her up as the last few times she went home when it was raining, the rain turned into a storm by the time she reach the bus stop opposite her apartment and she reached home drenched. But her cruel mother simply said no and reassured her that she wouldn’t get sick from being in the rain.

So angry she was with her mother then that she called Australia to her sister and poured her woes.

Then 2 weeks after the incident on a Sunday night, she approached her mother again, asking her mother if her mother could kindly drop her off on the way work. She had earlier organized a department party and brought home 2 banners, a big bagful of excess name badges, a label maker and her working briefcase. Her mother complained that fetching her to work means they always have to leave at 8.15am, causing her to get caught in the peak hour traffic and having her to pay $2 for ERP and be late for work. A sharp pain ran through her heart. How can her mother say that? Does her mother not have a single sense of compassion? Her mother has just recently returned to her family business after leaving 15 years ago, her official working hour is from 8.30am to 5.00pm but she has seen her mother leaving home only at 8.10am and returning home as early at 2pm often. Besides, having only started work less than 6 months, her mother has taken leave to go Indonesia and China for holidays. So obviously work timing is flexible in the company, so what is 20 mins late for work?

Having to door slammed in her face twice, she learnt never to ask her mother again.

To her mother, the grass is always greener on the other side. Other children are more filial, obedient and successful. Other people’s husband is more caring, loving and romantic. Yet her mother always fails to see that her daughters try their very best. At least they fetch and pick her up almost all the time when she asked, listen to her woes about their father and provide for the family as much as they can. Her father, although grumpy sometimes and an untidy man of few words, cleans up the balcony everyday and bothers to take time out to vacuum and mops the floor. Her mother simply chooses to criticize how dirty the house is and noone bothers to clean except her.

This constant negativity coupled with her mother’s tantrums simply makes living with her mother so unbearable at times. Who wants to be a punching bag for no rhyme or reason?

She has decided that it’s not worth being upset over her mother this way. No confrontation will come to any good and her mother would simply think that it is just another one of her daughter’s way to rebel. She has decided to live and let die, she will just speak to her mother minimally and never to ask for another thing.