End of the Year Poem

2005 was really swell
I tried a lot and it all went well
I made new friends who's really cool
I wore a dress that made men drool
Hong Kong, Taipei, been there done that
Blackie's lap is where I've sat
Hong Kong's fun and I love so much
It's so unique there's only one of such
Taipei's great, the food was better
The men, the food, I prefer the latter
To Al, a man, to whom Im so grateful
With him, I never need to ever be bashful
Thanks to him, I went travelling this year
His voice I miss and always long to hear.
The year was fun, guess what I did
Auditions I went and tried to bid
For a spot in show biz, but I didn't make it
Well, at least I tried and love it to bits!
2 army functions I attended with Blacks
So proud of him but something lacks
A smile on his face for he looks so cool
A 'sua-ku' woman beside him's a fool
Blacks and I are still going strong
I know he loves me in a thong
New friends I met and old friendships rekindle
I dined at Jack's Place in the light of a candle
2005 was a great for me from toe to head
I look forward to the 06 ahead!!!

My Year. This Year. 2005

Year 2005 has certainly been one hell'va journey for me. No. I don't mean it in a bad way. In fact, I think 2005 has treated me fairly, actually, it has treated me DAMN F**KING WELL.

Thanks to Guan-Yin-Ma for giving me the strength to step out of my comfort zone and the courage to TRY.
Thanks to my family who has been nothing but supportive towards my choices and been there for me during my down times.
Thanks to my friends who has kept me entertained this year. Thanks to the rainbow/carebear club for initiating my into it. Thanks you to my 3 best friends for the 8 years of solid friendship.

I specially want to thank 2 people here for putting their faith in me this year;
Debs: For your TREMENDOUS faith in me. You landed me my first job and I will never forget it. I kinda wanna say something very grateful like 'You're like the sister I never had", but I can't cos I already have 2 fantastic sisters. But its somewhere along those lines. Just want you to know that I admire your focus and dedication when it comes to work and I look forward to working alongside with you.




Al: Thanks for showing my the ropes. You can be considered my FIRST boss, and even though we had our 'wanting to kill each other' times, you set such a high standard for a Boss that I will find it hard to 'replace' you. Thanks so much for bringing my to Hong Kong and Taipei. I still don't believe you actually believe in me enough to bring me. Well, at least thats what I want to believe.
Love you. Muacks!!!!! Kekeke

Let's tell you what my activities are this year.

Jan-Feb :: Pretty normal. I was unemployed and looking high and low for a job. Noone gave me a break. Noone called me for an interview even. January was the month that Blacks went to help in the relief efforts for the victions of the Southeast Asian Tsunami (26th December 2004). I did 2 days of voluntary work at the National Volunteers Association or something like that. Helping to co-ordinate the efforts here. Although it wasn't much, but I'm glad I could help.

Mar :: I wish I have photos to show, but my PC crashed and wipe everything out. Blacks and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary on the 19th March 2005. As we had dinner, I glazed into the eyes of the man sitting before me and a sense of warmth rushed over me. I am so happy that I found the one. Muacks Babe!

I also got my first full time job, although it was a contract job only. I felt so much ownership to the project, I lived it, I breathed it, I even dreamt about it.

Apr:: Blacks decided to be sweet, picked me up from work on 19th and we re-celebrated our 1st year anniversary because the crashing of my PC wipe all my photos away. Although it was a short night and we din take half as many photos as we did, we had a fantastic dinner date.

April was also a damn busy period for me at work. I hit a rut this month too.....

May:: I WENT TO HONG KONG!!!!!! For those who don't really know me, I am very fascinated by this city that never sleeps. I watched enough HK movies to love it on the big screen and the city didn't let me down one bit! I LOVE IT!
May also marked the end of my first full time job, when the tear down began on Hong Kong MAS, part of my heart tore too.



June: Out of a job again, but enjoyed the break from the hectic working schedule from MAS Hong Kong. I helped out at CommunicAsia for the Panasonic booth.

July:: Love was in the air was Mark proposed to E-lin. Although it was not like the movies, but its not about the romance. Its's about the love. It's about the committment. Congrats!!

Aug:: 'We are Singapore, we are Singapore. We will stand united hear the lion roar.' As we celebrated Singapore's birthday, we had our very first National Day Party. Barbeque and a whole load good company. I also had a surprise call from a guy who ask me back for MAS TAIPEI!!!!

Sep:: I TURN 23!!!!!! 'NUFF SAID.

Oct:: BLACKS TURN 28!!!!!
I attended my first OCS Commissioning Ball and had a blast. Although I didn't eat much, the entertainment was rather lame and didn't talk to anyone else except Blacks, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. And I was so proud sitting next to my man.
Nov:: I started my new job at a marketing communication firm. My first desk bound job. B.O.R.I.N.G

Dec:: CHRISTMAS!!!!! NEW YEAR!!!!

Thank you, Guan-Yin-Ma

Dear Guan-Yin-Ma,

You must have heard my pleas. Because after tell you my heartstrings, I felt an immediate sense of calm and warmth.

I only plea to you again, I hope no one gets offended reading my blog. I say how I feel and finish feeling once I spit everything out. So please, Guan-Yin-Ma, bless me with everyone's understanding and forgiveness.

Thank you.

With love,
Me

The darkest period.

Dear Guan-Yin-Ma (Goddess of Mercy),

Have you been busy lately and forgotten about me? Or have I not prayed to you much lately? In the past couple of days, I have been having a lousy run of luck. In my 23 years of life you have given me, I have never had such bad luck as I have yesterday. And it seems like it is not going away.

12th December 2005

7.50am - Woke up feeling a little Monday blue as usual. The weekend flies by so quickly. But I brace myself for the day ahead and look forward to a new day. I did my usual morning routine, only to find out that my hair is so curly. I use my flat iron for 5 mins, only to realise that the plug has gone loose and the power was switched off. I plugged it back and waited for it to heat up again. But bad hair day. My hair just couldn't be straight yesterday.

8.02am - Where is my Ezlink card? Where is the bag that I have my Ezlink in? The beginning of the run, my mother took a bag she hardly use, didn't empty the existing contents and went out, bringing along, my trustworthy Ezlink card. I woke my sister, wanting to get her to drive me to work, only to realise, when she woke, that the car wasn't even around. Mum took the car and forgot her phone. No way to reach her.

8.20am - Missed my bus. Waited another 10 mins for the next one which brought me to work at 9.15am. Bad start to the day.....

9.20am - Took a deep breath and began working. Rushed an almost impossible deadline for my client. Also realised that one of the vendors gave me the wrong thing. Oh well, its work. Shit Happens.

12.30pm - So Hungry. Need food. Need lunch. My colleagues and I decided to try this place we hardly go. The coffeeshop was crowded but we still sat down and order. After waiting for 30mins, only 1 out of 7 plates of food arrive. 45mins later, everyone's came. Except mine. The auntie forgot about me. I was fuming. Hungry & ANGRY. To make things worse, the auntie used her oily hands to pat my back in attempts to calm me down!

4.00pm - My best friend is coming home this evening. Would really like to go pick her up. I ask to borrow the car. I msged her and asked, but reminded her that if she needs to use the car or if its troublesome its alright. She told me ok, but then 'slap' me with a bunch of terms and conditions as to what time I need the car. Whether can I wait til 830. What time I can drop off the car for her so that she can drive home after the late night movie. In some ways, I am very disappointed because I would like to for once use the car, for once use the car with the electronic key with the remote alarm. I rather you tell me 'No, I need the car'. Then to tell me ok but give me so much constraints. Yes, I totally understand the nature for which the car was bought. Yes, I know that I kinda have my own car. But it seems like from the day she passed her test and got her licence. Its no longer our car. I feel guilty as I am saying this for I love her so very much. Yet, I cant escape the frustration that I feel sometimes, especially days like yesterday. Before your licence you used to take public transport, why does it seems like you no longer can stand taking public transport now? Am I being unreasonable?

6.00pm - I was excited and ready to leave work. Anxious to see my best friend who's going through a rut herself. Beep. I got a message to inform me that I can only take the vehicle at 7.15pm. Forget it. By the time I wait for the car and stuff, i would only be able to meet my best friend at 9pm. Im just gonna take a bus.

7.40pm - Finally arrived at my best friend's place. She's lost so much weight, she getting 2-D. We trottled to Blk 85 in hopes of getting a sumptious meal but instead, we got re-grilled chicken wings and re-fried oyster omelette and the girls ate bland pork mince noodles. Nonetheless, the company was priceless.

1.00am - 12th December has finally ended. I prayed for the end of my bad luck. Sleeping in the arms of my lover sure made things a whole lot better.

13th December 2005

7.40am - I woke up to a dark gloomy day which started raining after I stepped out of the shower. I phoned my mother who said she'll come back and fetch me to work. So I took my time to get ready. When she came home, she ask if I could go to work late. She was going with her friends to a place near my work place at around 9ish and was picking her friends up at 845am. Mum, I don't own the company. I wish I do but I don't. If I can don't turn up for work at all i would, but I can't. I need to earn a living. Why does everyone has to make me feel like I'm second priority?

8.15am - In my rush to catch the bus, I left my shawl at home and dropped my umbrella cover along the way to the bus stop.

8.45am - Freezing in the bus. Wondering what have I done to deserve these.....

Guan-Yin-Ma, I know I am not exactly an angel. But I haven't done anything that have caused much harm to people. Please watch over me ok? I'm not too sure how much I can take.

Thank you.

Regards,
Me.

The importance of Pillow Support.

My neck is very sore....making me grumpy.

Pillow support and comfort
It is a very comforting feeling to have just the right pillow to rest an achy, tired body on. In addition to providing comfort, the right pillows can also provide the necessary support for the neck and spine—alleviating or preventing many common forms of back pain and neck pain.
Main benefits of pillowsUse of a pillow while sleeping has two main functions:

Support: From a physical perspective, pillows prop up the head, neck and shoulders - keeping them in alignment, relieving pressure and counterbalancing the points in the body.
Comfort: From a more subjective perspective, pillows create a feeling of comfort, which aids in getting a good night’s sleep and feeling well rested.

Mattress top pillow
The traditional pillow is the mattress top pillow - used to provide support for the head, neck, and upper spine while the body is lying in bed in a resting position. For optimum support, it is best to select a pillow that has the following characteristics:

Pillow is designed to keep the spine in natural alignment
The human neck curves slightly forward (to sustain the weight of the head when upright), and it’s important to maintain this curve when in a resting position.
If the height of the pillow is too high when sleeping sideways or on the back, the neck is bent abnormally forward or to the side, causing muscle strain on the back of the neck and shoulders. This type of position may also cause narrowing of the air pipe, resulting in obstructed breathing, and sometimes snoring, which can hinder sleep.
Conversely, if the height of the pillow is too low, the neck muscles can also be strained.

Based on the body’s measurements and personal preference, the pillow should maintain a height of 4 to 6 inches, properly supporting the head and neck (and shoulders when lying on back).
Pillow feels comfortableA large part of what makes a good pillow is personal preference. If the pillow feels comfortable, it’s likely to help one relax, get a good night’s sleep, and feel well rested in the morning. The pillow's surface can also be a source of comfort - some people prefer a pillowcase with a cool, smooth feeling (such as cotton), some prefer warmth (such as flannel), etc.

Pillow is adjustable
To help the pillow conform to various sleep positions, it is best if the pillow can be adjusted to fit the unique shape and curves and sleeping position of the user. A pillow should mold to one’s individual shape and alleviate any pressure points.

Pillows for each sleep position One’s sleep position will dictate how a traditional mattress top pillow can be used to provide the appropriate support.

Using a pillow while sleeping on the back. When lying on the back, a pillow should support the natural curvature of the cervical spine, with adequate support under the head, neck, and shoulders. When sleeping on the back, the height of the pillow should be lower than in the sideways position. Placing a pillow or two beneath the knees further alleviates any back strain, and is the gentlest position on the back.

Using a pillow while sleeping on the side. When lying on one’s side, a pillow should support the head and neck such that the spine maintains a straight and natural horizontal line. Weight should be evenly distributed so as not to create unnatural bending or pressure. Some people may prefer placing a small pillow or rolled up towel under their waist while lying on the side for additional support.

Using a pillow while sleeping on the stomach. If sleeping or resting on the stomach is preferred, the pillow should be relatively flat, or the head should rest directly on the mattress, so that the head and neck aren’t turned unnaturally to either side. In this position, it is often best to place another relatively flat pillow under the stomach to help the spine keep its natural alignment.
Over time, most pillows will begin to lose their firmness and no longer support the neck adequately. When the pillow has reached this stage, it should be replaced.

(taken from http://www.spine-health.com/topics/cd/pillows/pillows01.html)

The old lady

Today, I brought a bagful of Delimanjoo to work. My colleagues all had a piece and there were some left over. After lunch, as we were walking into our office, I notice a very old lady sitting at the back alley, under the hot sun, folding our scrap paper and putting them into a plastic bag. I had a feeling she was gonna collect all the paper and send them to the rag-and-bone man to earn some money. It was 30 degrees outside today and seeing her sitting there, with 1 arm in a cast, broke my heart. I smiled at her and immediately knew what I had to do.

I went upstairs, took the left over Delimanjoo and send it down to her. Speaking to her in my weak Cantonese, I told her that my mother baked those cakes and I would like her to have them. She was so sweet and told me to offer to my colleagues and the cleaning lady first.

No old people should have to suffer like that. It was such a hot day, they should be sitting somewhere, having a cup of tea, relishing about old times and listening to old music. I wonder whether she has any family, any children. Why would her children allow her to be as such? I'm no fillial daughter I admit. I don't give me mother money now that I'm working (because I don't even have enough for myself). But I would never in my life allow my mother to reduce to such destitute. How would I live with myself?

How does her children live with themselves?

I also suddenly thought about my own grandmother. I really don't think life has been unfair to her. Sure, she had worked as a a-mah to an Cauasian family during WW2 and had to marry my grandfather out of no choice (because he wanted to save her from the Japanese Troops) and became my grandfather's second wife. She has had quite a blessed life
- My father although don't talk to her. Pulled her out of my grandfather house and warned him not to ever hit my grandmother.
- He lived with her most of his married life and gave her allowaance every month even til now when he is no longer working.
- When my father decided to move out with us (mom n his daughters), he made sure my grandmother had a new flat to live with my aunt.

But it seems sometimes that my grandmother thinks that she is the most worse off person in the whole wide world. She is like our loan shark, every month, on the dot she will call and chase for her allowance. Which she doesnt even need cos she doesnt leave the house, and 3 meals are provided for by my aunt who cooks for her.

The questions of life.

Nokia Appreciation Dinner and the NEW MAZZY!

Rain poured down yesterday evening. Heavily. But it didn't bother the 5 good friends who sat at Marriot's Crossroad cafe, having a sumptous buffet dinner which their chair woman very generously paid for. (THANKS!)

It was cold no doubt and with 1 sick and 3 suffering from headache, you would have thought that the night was going to spent simply enjoying a quiet dinner together. But quiet was no to be. Jokes sparks and laughters flews, this 5 ladies talked the night away and before they knew it, it was nearing 11pm. The buffet line had long been closed and their teas were cold, yet nothing would dampen their spirits as they talked about work, relationship, health, clothes and everything under the women's sky.

But all great things must come to an end, as 1 lady departed with her knight in a Black Honda. 4 remaining girls, continued til late. And departed in A BRAND NEW METALLIC GREY MAZDA 3!!!!!

25 Days to Christmas

As Christmas approaches, I foresee/realise the following things happen;

1. Advertising becomes so very white and jolly
2. Beer becomes part of the staple diet
3. Christmas caroles can be heard everywhere in all different version you can imagine
4. Diet is thrown out of the window
5. Electricity bills goes up for your home and the country
6. Fondling with your partner in public increases
7. Getting around especially in town takes double the usual time
8. Hickys can be seen on everyone
9. I love you becomes the most common phrase
10. Jackasses will break up with their girlfriends during this festive period
11.. Kiss. Kisses. Kissing. Kissed!
12. Love is in the air
13. M&Ms will become the most sold chocolates (Look at the decor at Centrepoint!)
14. New Year celebrations will begin prematurely
15. Orgasms will reach an all time high
16. Panick attacks increase as christmas approaches with the rush to buy presents
17. Quantity versus quality pervails. Who cares whether its $1000 Dom Perignon or $13 Champagne Valdivieso Demi Sec
18. Roving eyes everywhere as women get all dressed up
19. Sale Sale Sale Sale!
20. Telecommunications yields more profits and network jams on X'mas Day 2359hrs
21. Unity amongst all ethnicity and gender as everyone holds hands and countsdown to X'mas
22. Vodka is the no.1 selling hard liqour (if it isn't already)
23. White Christmas will be depicted everywhere with the snow and foam machines
24. X-rated home movies is also on the rise with the amount of drunkards.
25. Yodele will be attempted by everyone (particularly me)
26. Zoo starts promotions of a Christmas countdown with the Animals!

With all the A-Z activities, we are all assured of a exciting Christmas at least!!!!

Cheers.

I wanna get in the action II

5 Random Facts About Me

V. I ALMOST played ball for Singapore, but I rejected them and joined the Army to defend the Nation. Higher calling...

IV. I don't drink, nor gamble...

III. I am pretty lazy, and I can sleep whole day. yes, whole day.

II. I used to HATE sharing food and drinks... Dont even drink from other people's bottle. Cant accept the idea of passing saliva and germs....Not anymore though... All water bottles look the same in the army, and don't share food = no food.

I. I like to read news paper, but never have the time to sit down and finish it....


(ok, now for the Q&A)
Q: When you look at yourself in the mirror, what is the first thing you look at?
A: My ever growing love handles.... sigh...

Q: How much cash do you have on you today?
A: Well, I HAD quite a bit, before spending it on food and more food... so, now left like only less than 50...

Q: What's a word that rhymes with 'test'?
A: I refuse to answer that. How does answering that makes u know me better?

Q: Favourite plant?
A: None. I dont even like eating veggies.... I eat it only because I need a balanced diet.

Q:Who is the fourth person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
A: 96340073. Dunch know who...

Q: What is the main ringtone on your cell phone?
A: Normal ring ring tone...got image to upkeep. And the image is... I AM BORING. haha

Q: What shirt are you wearing?
A: A shirt my sister bought for me from thailand... and I am using it as PJs cos its a little oversized... (yes, its THAT big)

Q: Do you label yourself?
A: xiaohei / blacks

Q: Brand of the shoes you are currently wearing.
A: Do you wear shoes to sleep? I dont.

Q: Bright or dark room?
A: Dark room. so i can sleep. haha.

Q: What were you doing at midnight last night?
A: Midnight... yes you guessed it, sleeping... more like dozed off watching liverpool won against Man City. and Crouch didnt score (so whats new)

Q: Do you ever click on 'Pop Ups' or banners?
A: No...

Q: What's a saying that you say a lot?
A: What you wanna do today ah?

Q: Who told you they love you last?
A: Eck and I returned the gesture

Q: Last furry thing you touched?
A: Vicky...

Q: How many drugs have you done in the past three days?
A: Panadol. Just had em today. splitting headache. And answering these questions aint helping.

Q: How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
A: None.

Q: Favourite age you have been so far?
A: 1. Cant remember much of it. No stress, no worries.

Q: Your worst enemy?
A: myself. I am my worse critic.

Q: What is your current desktop picture?
A: Me and baby at my ex-cadets commissioning parade.

Q: What was the last thing you said to someone?
A: "then put what?"

Q: If you have to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?
A: Million bucks. Who in the right frame of mind would choose the latter?

Q: Do you like someone?
A: Yes.

Q: The last song you listened to?
A: Cant remember, but theres one thats playing in my head now, the one by Delta Goldrem and Bryan Mcfadden.....

I'm afraid of losing my touch

Haven't written a poem in a long time.

Today Im sick, I want to puke
I never met a man name Luke
I miss my babe, he's now at work
Bedok camp is where he lurks
My mum is starting a business soon
Im sure she is over the blarrdy moon
My dad that night went gaga
When he realise the price of my new sofa
E-Chiing's Apple crashed yesterday
It can't be fix and its not okay
E-Lin is coming home next week
I hope for the her the weather's not bleak

I wanna get in on the action

5 Random Facts About Me

5. My closest of all closest friends calls me Horny Toad, though I much prefer Horny Dog

4. When watching TV, I really enjoy plucking hair ie, armpits, leg or eyebrows

3. Secretly, I really don't mind being my boyfriends 'xiao nu ren'.

2. I control my eating during the weekdays but weekends I binge, thats why I can never lose weight

1. I have found my One. My True One. My Only One.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, what is the first thing you look at?
My eyes, I love them!

How much cash do you have on you today?
About $50 cos I went to withdraw some

What's a word that rhymes with 'test'?
rest, best, lest, inCEST

Favourite plant?
no plant..not a mother nature person

Who is the fourth person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
6278 2513, I dunno who issit

What is the main ringtone on your cell phone?
Tarzan screams

What shirt are you wearing?
nothing...racer back

Do you label yourself?
Like I said earlier, Horny Toad. HT. I'm also know famously as ECK.

Brand of the shoes you are currently wearing.
huh? I'm home...im wearing feet

Bright or dark room?
bright....to see the curves on my body

What were you doing at midnight last night?
Role Playing. Bondage. SM....you name it, we did it

Do you ever click on 'Pop Ups' or banners?
no...eew

What's a saying that you say a lot?
eeto (when i'm thinking)....Nani (when someone calls my name)

Who told you they love you last?
Blacks and I returned the gesture

Last furry thing you touched?
My smelly dog

How many drugs have you done in the past three days?
1. Trinordiol

How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
huh? Aren't we living in the digital era

Favourite age you have been so far?
currently, 23. this year.

Your worst enemy?
noone lah

What is your current desktop picture?
Me and my baby blacks blacks

What was the last thing you said to someone?
Can you please hold on to your dog? She's going nuts

If you have to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?
million la...with a million who cares about regret!

Do you like someone?
of course...i not only like...i LLLUUURRRVVVE

The last song you listened to?
Dunno cos the interference on the radio was so bad

It's been a while

I just realise that it's been a while since I blogged anything normal, ie, what I did, my thoughts and stuff. So think I wanna take a break from the STORY and blog about me and capt blacks.

Blackie has been really busy lately. He just completed some exercise thing which required him to do overnight duties quite a bit so the last 2 weeks we haven't had much time t spend with each other. This current position seem to be very demanding and I think I've seen him happier when he was at OCS. Although at OCS he's also constantly busy but he seem more fulfilled with the work and have more job satisfaction. Now, he is constantly apologising to me for not being able to spend enough time with me and telling me that his current work is very crucial and he really needs to focus.

Just to make a public reassurance,
Baby, I understand. Don't have to apologise for working late and stuff. I understand, or at least I try very hard. Whatever it is, I'm supporting you all the way and will be your listening ear even though I don't understand ok? Anyway, you work hard now and I'll get my Vera Wang wedding gown right? Hiak Hiak. Nonetheless, I love you. MUACKS!

I just started a new job. Actually this is my 3rd week already. Its a far cry from what I was doing at PICO with reference to the working hours (almost strictly 9-6), scope of work (*yawn*) and working procedures (better SOPs). I'm not sure whether I like to or I am suited for the job yet. Will keep you updated.

It's been a while

I just realise that it's been a while since I blogged anything normal, ie, what I did, my thoughts and stuff. So think I wanna take a break from the STORY and blog about me and capt blacks.

Blackie has been really busy lately. He just completed some exercise thing which required him to do overnight duties quite a bit so the last 2 weeks we haven't had much time t spend with each other. This current position seem to be very demanding and I think I've seen him happier when he was at OCS. Although at OCS he's also constantly busy but he seem more fulfilled with the work and have more job satisfaction. Now, he is constantly apologising to me for not being able to spend enough time with me and telling me that his current work is very crucial and he really needs to focus.

Just to make a public reassurance,
Baby, I understand. Don't have to apologise for working late and stuff. I understand, or at least I try very hard. Whatever it is, I'm supporting you all the way and will be your listening ear even though I don't understand ok? Anyway, you work hard now and I'll get my Vera Wang wedding gown right? Hiak Hiak. Nonetheless, I love you. MUACKS!

I just started a new job. Actually this is my 3rd week already. Its a far cry from what I was doing at PICO with reference to the working hours (almost strictly 9-6), scope of work (*yawn*) and working procedures (better SOPs). I'm not sure whether I like to or I am suited for the job yet. Will keep you updated.

Chapter 4

In the next couple of weeks, as Julia physical wounds heal, Viggo noticed she has slowly turned her emotional pain into anger and the desire for revenge. She had began training her body, running every morning and evening. Yet, at night when she sleeps, she still suffers from nightmares of the night she 'died'.

Viggo is also beginning to be more and more attracted to her and her to him. He no longer sleeps on the couch alone, but beside her in the bed, putting his arms around her everytime she has a nightmare. Julia can't help it but feel a sense of physical attraction to Viggo.

'Good night. I'm going off to bed. Don't sleep too late too yeah?' Julia said as she made her way upstairs.

As she was about to drift off to sleep, she felt Viggo's body lying down to rest as well, turning his body the way. Julia turned around and in the spur of the moment, she wrapped her arms over his body and whispered 'Thank you.'

Viggo turned, surveying Julia's face. Her sadden eyes, her lips. He lean forward to kiss her passionately. Taking his chances, he gently stick his tongue and her mouth. She returns the gesture. Viggo takes a deep breath, ran his hand down her back and pulled her to his body. He let out a little moan, feeling her supple breast pressed against his body, she gave a little moan feeling the hardness of his manhood. Removing her clothes, Viggo kissed her neck, her chest, her breast, running his tongue down her body and into the belly button, he continues to kiss her inner tighs, her calves and feet and ending at her most sensitive area. Julia arcs her body and moans in ecstasy. He was sure a gentle lover. Viggo then thrust his erection into her, gently pulling away before thrusting back in. Warm, wet and so tight, Viggo closes his eyes and immerse himself in pleasure. They hardly knew each other, yet their movements are in such compatible rhythmic motions. Viggo thrust harder and faster, his breathing heavier and Julia's moan got louder. He lets out a final groan and hears Julia's cries of pleasure. They reach the destination together.

Julia and Viggo spent the next 3 months in 'marital bliss'. They spent mornings in bed making love, getting up only to have lunch, do some chores and in the evening, they would take long walks into the field and cuddle under the blue sky. Julia oftened wondered why Viggo never went to work but he brushed it off by saying he's a long distance truck drive who can earn a good living everytime he goes on 1 trip. Viggo in turn asked Julia to forget about Vince. Forget about what he had done to her and just live happily with him. Julia never gave a reply.

Chapter 3

In the midst of the darkness, Julia stumbled onto the patio of a old house. She saw a blurry figure of a man. Terrified but exhausted, she collasped into the arms of the stranger.

Who is this lady? The stranger peered out into the darkness and is puzzled by the whereabouts of Julia. He listened to her terrified murmurs during her restless sleep, he knew something horrible must have happened to her. What could have happened? Who would want to harm someone as beautiful as she is? He ran his eyes down her curvaceous body and he had a pang of anger towards the person who could have cause her so much pain. Viggo couldn't explain how he was feeling except he wanted to take this woman in his arms and shield her from all the vices of the world.

Julia finally woke up, 2 days later, she surveyed the room she was in and wondered where she was and how she got here. The gashes she had on her hands were bandaged up and the tattered clothes she was in replaced by a men's shirt and shorts.

'I'm sorry. I took the liberty of changing you out of those dirty clothes and bandaged your arms. I hate to sleep in dirty clothes, don't you?'

Julias' eye shot up and saw a man standing at the doorway. She scoured to the corner of the bed, fearing she had ran away from 1 trouble into another.

'I'm sorry, didn't mean to startle you. I'm Viggo. You collasped on my doorstep 2 days ago...' Viggo said as Julia scrutnised him. He's scruffy with his unshaven beard and longish hair. Yet, he's neat and handsome. Standing at the doorway with sincerity in his eyes, a pair of tight boot cut jeans and a shirt 1 size too small, Viggo as he calls himself, doesn't seem like a bad person. Awaken from her reverie, she notice he was no longer standing at the doorway. Julia crawled out of bed and went out of the room. Smelling the fragrant smells of bacon, sausages and eggs, she realised how hungry she was.

'You must be hungry. Come down, have some eggs and bacon'

Julia chomp down the food without chewing but nearly choked when she saw the news bulletin about the search party calling off the search for her and her 'destitute' husband calling out for her. She also realise Viggo's eyes on her, it looks like he finally realise why he found her so familar.

'Please don't call the police. I'll leave immediately if you are afraid of trouble.' Julia pleaded.

'No. Stay. Please. But....could you tell me what happened?' Viggo probed with caution.

Julia burst out in tears, she has neither the answers or an explanation. She doesn't understand why her husband of 3 years want to kill her for money. Suddenly, she felt body heat. Viggo had rushed over and embraced her. Julia wanted to struggle and break free, yet, it felt so warm. So comforting. So safe.

Chapter 2

Why only 3 body bags?? The men started to question while they pretend to grief over the lost of their wives. And after questioning the fire brigade, they realise that it was Julia that was missing. Vince 'grief' even louder and fired his anger at the firemen who are sure they didn't find anyone else.

Julia began to retreat into the darkness, she knows that the police would soon begin to search the vicinity looking for her. She fled, running as fast as her legs could carry her and began her hiding.

Morning came. The old wooden house was reduce to a heap of ashes. The lives of 3 women gone up in smoke like the rest of the house. The fire brigade left the scene with their work completed. The police left to gather more aid for the search of Julia leaving behind 3 men satisfied that their mission was complete and gone off without a hitch and 1 man angry at the disappearance of his wife but even more bewildered about where she could be.

Fast forward 3 months. After an extensive investigation, the police found no traces of foul play on the death of 3 women from the burning countryside house. The husbands of the 3 women have gotten the money they have claimed from the death of their wives. They have been 'moaning' for the past 3 months and overnight, they are millionaires with a new lady in their arms. Vince still had nothing. Although he pleaded with the police not to stop their search for Julia, the police stopped their search after 1 week. Vince also tried to put in a claim for his wife's insurance but to no avail. A person has to be missing for a period of 7 years before they can be declared legally dead and life insurance can be claimed. Vince was furious. He was losing his job because he is unable to perform. His relationship with the mistress is rocky. Anne is complaining about the lack of money to furnish her lavish lifestyle. The lack of gifts from Vince. Even the sex has lost all its groove.

Backtrack 3 months, Julia was running, dodging all the light she can see and keeping herself very low. Finally, she hid along an embankment of a lake she stumbled across. Shivering. Praying that no one will find her. No one did.

Could this be a Hollywood Blockbuster?

I think I might have just dreamt of the next Hollywood blockbuster.

Read and lemme know what you think about it.

A group of friends (all couples) went on a holiday together to the countryside. One day, one of the wives (let's call her Julia) overheard a telephone conversation between her friend's husband and his mistress. Acutally the whole idea of bringing the wives to the countryside was to kill them, make it look like an accident, collect the insurance money and live happily ever after with their mistress! Horrified but confuse, Julia ran back to join her girlfriends who are all having a cup of afternoon tea. Making sure they were alone, Julia broke the news to her girlfriends who all stared at her big-eyed. They all dunno what to think but promised to be guarded and notice any strange behaviour. All except 1 (let's call her Nicole) who refuse to believe her husband is plotting to kill her. She just got married!

So that very night, Nicole was standing by the window, taking in the fresh air that the breeze was carrying in. Her husband (John) grab her from behind by suprise, spin her around and kiss her passionately. His hand ran wildly around her body, exploring every single part of his newly-wedded wife. She moan for more. John picked her up and threw her on the bed. A bit too roughly this time she thought, but she was burning for him to be inside her that she couldn't care. John came to the bed, with his bare hands, ripped the lingerie off her body, exposing her bare naked skin. She has such a perfect porceline doll face. Full supple breast that accentuates her curves. And the most womenly feature of his wife, untouched by no other than him. She is too perfect. A little self conscious by his staring, Nicole gently led his head to her breast, allow a closer look and for him to explore further. John grabbed her body towards him and entered her. He moaned at her warmth, her tightness and her breathing which is now getting heavier and louder. She beg him not to stop. He is on a mission to satisfy his woman and will not stop til he completed it.

Nicole laid in bed. Unable to sleep. Still feeling the throbbing in between herself and her heart still pounding instensly. Suddenly, she thought of what Julia said in the afternoon and gave a chuckle. John questioned her chuckle and she told him, while positioning herself comfortable in his arms. Did he just tense up when I say 'killing the wives'? Did I just hear him lost a breath? Did I just hear an uncomfortable laugh? Was Julia telling the truth? Nicole couldn't believe she was having such questions. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will confront Julia.

But tomorrow never came. News among the men travelled so fast that they came up with a list of activities, keeping the women apart.

The first 'accident' happened. Victoria cut her hand so deeply while cooking that her husband Alec needed to send her to the hospital to get it stitched up. The women didn't hear from Victoria anymore. Only news from the men who say she is fine and well and resting at the hospital. But the women were not convince. Not even Nicole who is begining to notice strange behaviour. The men told the women that they will be playing poker all night but made sure they tucked their wifes in bed.

Julia woke up in a sweat. She dreamt that her husband (Vince) doused her with gasoline and set her on fire. But the fire wasn't a dream. She smell smoke coming from under the door but the door was locked. Trapped. She shouted for help, shouted at the rest of her girlfriends but nothing. She panicked, but knew she need to survive. She leaped out of her 2nd floor window but landed badly. But she picked herself and found a spot to hide. She hid in the darkness all night to see firstly the husband came back, followed by the fire brigade and paramedics who carried 3 body bags out. She tried not to cry, but tears flowed down uncontrolablly. Im sorry. Im so sorry.

---- Chapter 2...another day

Forum Nokia Mobile Application Summit

Ahhh....Another end of an era for me. I just returned from Taipei, finishing my 2nd contract with PICO and ending another Mobile Application Summit for Forum Nokia. Here, I would just like to thank some people;

1. Mong Chee - Thanks for being such an understanding client. Thanks for the JOB!!!!

2. Alf - Thanks Boss for taking care of me and taking a chance on me. AGAIN! You'll always be boss.

3. Desmond - The Brudder with a newly accquired F.U.N.K!

4. Lynette - All the late nights. All the rush. All the shopping companionship!!!!

5. MC - For the laughs and the theories. For the teamwork, we ROCK!

The ending of this show brings me some bitter sweet emotions. I'm so happy and grateful to be given the 2nd opportunity to handle this event. Allowing my to strengthen some friendships, accquire new friendship and to network. I learnt an even greater deal this event and having MC on the team, allowed me pace myself better and be more focus on what I am suppose to do. Yet, the ending of this show also meant that its the last time I will be handling this show as I am embarking on a new chapter in my life. I have gotten myself a new job and will be moving on. No more working at 3rd floor PICO building under Mr Alfonsus Koh. Or 发哥 I have begin to start calling him affectionately...hee. No more him calling me 奇怪 'affectionately' too.

Oh well, I think this is about growing up I guess. Moving on and moving forward. Rather than dwelling on sad emotions, lets be positive. At least I have had this opportunity and it gave me sweet fond memories that I can always remember.

So thanks everyone again. I know the journey wasn't easy. But its over and done with now. And I wish all only the finest and positive endevours.

Baby, this is for you...

and your care bear club... niak niak....

You're beautiful

My life is brilliant.

My love is pure.

I saw an angel.

Of that I'm sure.

She smiled at me on the subway.

She was with another man.

But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw you face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,

As we walked on by.

She could see from my face that I was,

Fucking high,

And I don't think that I'll see her again,

But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw you face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face,

When she thought up that I should be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,

I will never be with you.

A grey bear with a blue nose

The oldest, smallest house you can imagine was about to be knocked down. All the things that once made the house nice and cosy has been now thrown outside and piled up in the front garden, from the soft springy bed the owners slept in, to the wooden floorboards they used to walk on...

...And even, surely by some mistake, a little brown bear. He was trapped amongst all the other unwanted things, and he couldn't move. Then one day... a very, very cold day, something fell from the sky... a little snowflake.

It landed on the teddy bear's little nose and was then followed by many more. He began to get very cold, very cold indeed. More and more snow fell, heavier and heavier. The little bear was so cold that his nose started turning blue...

...So cold that his brown fur started turning grey. He was cold, unloved and all alone in the world, and he felt very, very sad. Winter finally passed and the weather got warmer. One beautiful spring day, a little girl was playing near the old house, when she spotted the grey bear in the pile of unwanted things.

He was like no other bear she had ever seen, and she pulled him out from where he was trapped. She dusted him down and lifted him high in the sky to look at him.

"A grey teddy bear.... with a blue nose?" she thought. "How strange!"The teddy bear wanted to cry. He thought she didn't like him and would throw him back with the other unwanted things. "But he's lovely!" she continued, and she fell completely in love with him, She ran home as fast as her little legs would carry her, to see if grandma could patch him up, as a lot of stuffing had fallen out, and he was very much in need of repair.

She looked on as her grandmother replaced his stuffing and patched up his holes. His stiches had started showing where the fur had worn away, but the little girl thought he looked perfect. It was all cosy and warm in the little girl's house and the bear now felt cosy and warm in his heart. However his nose was still blue and his fur was still grey and they would never return to brown. He was unique amongst teddy bears.

The little girl gave him a great big hug. She loved him more than anything else in the world... her little, grey, blue nosed...
...tatty bear...

Poo Poo Poem for me

My Poo Poo man.

He does what he can

To make me happy

Never ever sappy

Careful when he is angry

cos he can deliver a blower

with his poo poo power!

Too Young

I went for an interview this morning at a very high class, taitai type of magazine publisher. I am not sure why they called me in for the interview cos my feeling in the entire interview was that they don't seem to have any intention to hire me at all. One of the reason is that I am a little too young for their target market. Oh well, nowadays even age can work against you.

Nonetheless, I still think things are looking up for me cos I have an interview schedule for tomorrow for an events firm and I am actually looking forward to that interview. Events seems to give me that thrill and the right kinda rush.

Oh well, I shall just wait.

Great Day, Bad Day

I really dunno how to feel today. In some ways it has been such a great day, yet it also has been such a bad day.

Yesterday night, Blacks and I hit a ditch. One of the worse ditches we have ever hit. I don't wanna go into details, I just hope we can pull it off and be ok again. Cos at the moment, it doesn't seem to be ok at all. Wonder if I am thinking too much......Partly due to this, I had a very restless sleep yesterday night.

I love you. Poo Poo Man. PPP or no PPP.

Partly also due to work. Hit a ditch there too. In some ways with this job, I feel like the ham in between to bread, being squash under pressure. The boss of the other department kinda gave me a talking to yesterday when really I feel that it was not my fault whatsoever. I can't help it if my boss changes his mind. My job is basically to translate between 2 people. What control do I have? I am only 1 insignificant pawn in the entire chess board.

My friend hit a ditch too. Some f**king bugger decided to hassle her over basically nothing. Affected her quite badly....poor thing. BACK OFF BUGGER. You are crazy. Sort yourself out first.

Then again, I came to work this morning moody and ready to run myself into the wall, I had the glimmer of hope. The interview I went on Friday, called me back and offered me the job. At the same moment, another company called me for an interview. After much thought, I decided to turn down the job offer. It just doesn't feel right. Maybe Im just shooting myself in the foot but I just didn't get the right feel when I saw the working environment.
But well, at least its an opening of hope.

At the same time, I just got a door slammed in my face again. The job I'm so pending for just rejected me.

Great Day, Bad Day.

To motivate myself; I have put this on my desktop.

Remember:
You are on a low carbohydrates diet.

Less starch, less rich, less noodles, more veggies.

That no matter what you have parents who dote on you,

sisters who are there for you and

you know your boyfriend will always loves you.

You are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

The sun at the end of the storm.

The light at the end of the tunnel.
*SMILE*

I've striked gold

Yesterday, for the first time in almost a year, I felt really good about myself. Like finally I can see a destination. See fruits of my labour. See light at the end of the tunnel. Walked to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Sure. I am still earning peanuts and quite financially strapped, but I can feel it in my bones that something good is coming. Something GREAT is coming.

Sure. I havent gotten a reply from SQ for the stewardess position. But it doesn't seem so important anymore. If it comes, Great. If it doesn't, I don't think I will beat myself up for it. As my wise sister told me yesterday; "It's not about being beautiful or ugly. Its about whether you look like the generic Singapore Girl." So it just means I don't look generic?

At least I feel there are other stuff coming in. My current work is keeping me very busy but happy. I'm not sure whether I want to do events on a full time basis, mebbe if the money is reasonable. I have half a foot at the door of an FMCG MNC company, an industry which I would really like to go into and I have an interview on Friday for a management trainee position in a Travel Agency, an industry that I have a passion for and think I am suited for it. Nonetheless, I look forward to the future and anticipate what holds for me.

My bestest of best friend went back to Scotland yesterday to pursue her PhD programme. Gawd, I never imagine I would know anyone (especially someone so close) who is/will have a salutation of Dr. That's so cool.

Tuesday Morning

Just finished 1 soon kueh and now proceeding to down my Milo Kosong and Lo Mai Kai, I sit here at 10.32am in my office wondering what will be happening for the rest of the day. Compared to the amount of work I did that last time, I am so much less busy and so much less things to do. Registration is my may scope of work and for now, my main job is to monitor registration daily and send reports at the end of the day. So for the last 3 days, only 3 people signed up. I spent most of the day preparing to go home....=)

Blacks got home really late last night. I was already in bed when he got in and I really cant remember whether he spoke to me or what I replied. My NON AIR CON room has forced me to sleep as soundly as I can and try my best not to disturb my sleep cos it would be awfully hard to fall back into it. I swear my aircon has a life on its own, always only breakdown when my dad's on holiday. I reckon it is on holiday as well.

I chatted with Dylan from University yesterday. I was shocked when I asked his about his girlfriend and he said his girlfriend is happy and engaged. But the thing is, I wasn't shock that his girlfriend is engaged, I was shock because the way he phrased it made me thought that his girlfriend was engaged to someone else. The after I get it cleared, I was shocked again for they are only 22. Oh god, the only other person I know who got married at 22 is Kim but its because she has been with Meredith since I think 14 and Meredith is 5 years older than her. But my god, Dylan and Miyako is only 22!

This made me think about what I was telling my sis the other day. After watching years of Western TV programmes and stuff, I observed that although Westerners are reputed to be liberal and open and modern but I realise many Westerners marry rather young. And Western woman don't mind playing the supporting role to the working husband and that they enjoy being the loving wife and caring mother. But Asian women who are more known to be conservative and traditional wants the career, the job, are marrying and having children much older.

*Note: In light of the recent cases of the 2 men who got charged over online racist rants (http://www.todayonline.com/articles/72068.asp). I would here just like to clarify that I, Wee E-Ying is not being racist in my remarks. Its just my opinion and observation*

My First Day of Work. AGAIN

I start my first day of work at PICO. Again. Back to the same ol' job of planning the same exhibition/conference but this time in Taipei. How am I feeling? I dunno really. Its my first day and I am already working overtime. But then again, in some ways, a lot of things has been really easy because I feel all mechanisms are in place and all I need to do is the fill in the blanks.

My job scope has significantly reduce (or so I think for now), but so has my money. But as a person that works for passion, I actually dun feel the pinch that much. But I am very comfortable working with the same people again with a nice addition to the team.

Oh yeah, over the weekend, I have decided I am a big misconception. A lot of people think I am the follow but I am not;

1. I am a big big fan of clubbing
2. I smoke and drink a lot
3. I do a lot of sports

Another thing I am unsure whether its a misconception. A lot of people think that I am/want to be a super career woman. Hmmm, I really not sure now. I was just thinking about it yesterday. I think having a career is great. I enjoy working because it gives me something to fulfil my life and I still look forward to working for my dream company in my dream position. BUT! In some ways, I still feel that Black's career takes precedence to mine. And if he has to be posted somewhere and I have to quit my job to go with him, I would also do it in a heartbeat.

When did I start being such a hopeless romantic?

My Firsts

I haven't updated my blog in a long time. But the past month or so has been rather exciting. I had quite a few first in the past month. No, nothing sexual or kinky.

I celebrated my 23rd birthday on 1st September and for the FIRST time, I had 3 cakes! My sweet sweet Blacks threw a last min suprise party for me with Jess and Audrey which was not to be. He ain't that good at lying and I blew his cover. But nonetheless, it was my FIRST suprise party. I had my favourite mango cake and a new phone! W800I!!!!! My FIRST Sony Ericsson phone.
Subsequently, I had a fresh fruits cake from my family and friends. My sister bought me lunch at Kuishin-Bo and very generously invited mum, Mrs Skipp, Aunt Mary, Blacks, Jess and MC. So many people. And at the very same day, my boss bought me a chocolate cake. Thanks everyone!

Jess came back from Scotland. She is gonna pursue her PhD programme soon in Oxford and wanted to take a holiday and do her visa. So good to see her. My bestest best friend. Since when we were 15. 8 years already. Blacks asked me the other day what makes Jess my best friend. I had an immediate answer.

' Jess's my best friend because I know no matter what I can always count on her. Even though we may me miles and miles apart and caught up with our own lives and don't keep in touch as often as we used to, but I know if I ever need help one day or if she ever needs help one day, no matter how busy we are, no matter where we are, we will be there for each other. Be it physically or emotionally'.

Of course, that applies to Audrey and Huiru too. Love ya girls!

Although I made quite a general birthday wish this year. I made a few resolutions for the start of my 23rd birthday.

1. I am sticking to a low carb diet.

2. I am gonna do everything and anything to make my face ok.

3. And most importantly, I am stepping out of my comfort zone and take more risk and have more experience.

My third resolution is my drive for this year. And so far I have done a couple of exciting things. Besides from trying and still trying to be a flight stewardess.....September 3rd, I was number 1821 stepping up on stage, auditioning for a slot to be part of 名星偶像。Although I didn't make it. At least I am proud to say that I have done that, instead of regretting that I didn't even try.

However, I am taking still firmly grounded on reality. I am Blacks is worried that I get caught up with the idealistic world but I just want to declare here and promise that I won't. I know what I should be doing at a certain time. And although the journey hasn't been easy for me, I am gonna try and promise I'll emerge as a stronger person.

18 Lessons from a Very Successful Leader

Quotations from Gen Colin Powell: A Leadership Primer

Lesson 1: Being reponsible sometimes means ticking people off

Lesson 2: The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help them or concluded that you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership

Lesson 3: Don't be buffaloed by experts and elites. Experts often possess more data than judgement. Elites can become so inbred that they produce hemophiliacs who bleed to death as soon as they nicked by real world.

Lesson 4: Don't be afraid to challenge the pros, even in their own backyard.

Lesson 5: Never neglect details. When everyone's mind is dulled or distracted the leader must be doubly vigilant

Lesson 6: You don't know what you can get away with until you try. Less effective middle managers endorse the sentiment," If I hadnt been explicitly told 'yes', I can't do it," whereas the good ones believed "If I hadn't been told 'no', I can'. There's a world of difference between the two points of views.

Lesson 7: Keep looking below the surface appearance. Don't shrink from doing so (just) because you might not like what you find.

Lesson 8: Organization don't really accomplish anything. Plans don't accomplish anything either. Theories of management dont much matter. Endeavors succeed or fail because of the people involved. Only by attracting the best people will you accomplish great deeds.

Lesson 9: Organization charts and fancy titles count next to nothing.

Lesson 10: Never let your ego get close to your position that when your position goes, your ego goes with it.

Lesson 11: Fit no sterotypes. Don't chase the latest management fads. The situation dictates which approach best accomplish the team's mission.

Lesson 12: Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.

Lesson 13: "Powell's Rules for Picking People" - Look for intelligence and judgement and, most critically, a capacity to anticipate, to see around corners. Also look for loyalty, integrity, a high energy drive, a balanced ego and the drive to get things done.

Lesson 14: Great Leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who can cut through argument, debate and doubt, to offer a solution which everybody can understand. (K.I.S.S - Keep It Simple & Stupid)

Lesson 15:
Part I - Use the formula P = 40 ~ 70, in which P stands for the Probability of Success and the numbers indicates the percentage of information acquired.
Part II - Once the information is in the 40 ~ 70 range, go with your gut.

Lesson 16: The commander in the field is always right and the rear echelon is wrong, unless proved otherwise.

Lesson 17: Have fun in your command. Don't always run at breakneck pace. Take leave when you earned it: Spend time with your family. Corollary: Surround yourself with people who take their work seriously, but not themselves, those who work hard and play hard.

Lesson 18: Command is lonely.

Leadership is the art of accomplishing

more than the science of management

says is possible

Chapter 1: The changing world.

September 11th 2001
2 planes, 1 crashed into the World Trade Center and the other, into the Pentagon. Millions watched as the 2 of the tallest building in the world, home to many global organisation and thousands who work there or simply walk pass, went up in flames and come crashing down, turning into ashes like there never was. 2752 people lost there lifes. Thousands more injured and psychologically tramautise.

December 26th 2004
The second largest earthquake recorded. Originated from the Indian Ocean, the earthquake wiped out entire cities that are already struggling with calamities of their daily life. Over 200,000 lifes stolen by 30m tall tsunami. Enough said.

August 30th 2005
Category 1 storm hits the world's more powerful nation. Causing a series of chaos and crime. The world's most powerful nation. What happened?


Thats only the tip of the iceberg. What about the war in Iraq? The planes that crashed? The trains that derailed? Africans suffering from poverty, sickness and plain hunger?

It seems like there is nothing much to smile about nowadays. Yet, it seems like there seem to be some light at the end of the tunnel. Human goodness and kindess have emerged. Firemen and rescue workers who worked day and night searching for survivors in the WTC rubble. The millions of dollars and thousands of volunteers aiding in the recovery for the Asian Tsunami. Aid going into USA evacuating homeless people. Soldiers who continue to fight.

Not trying to sound religious, is the GOD's way of testing humanity?

Nothing-ness

I struggled to find the appropriate title for my entry this week, but nothing seems to come to mind.

Last week was quite eventful, following my rejection from Emirates on Monday. I went down to PICO to visit Alf who had called me the day before asking if I would like to work with him for the 2nd Nokia's Mobile Applications Summit in Taipei this time. I was happy not just because I would be able to go to Taipei should I do this, but more because I think I must have done something good for him to recall me back. So, I trottled off to a meeting with CMC (Nokia's contact person), Alf and Diaz for MAS 2005. I felt even more relieve when CMC was glad to see me during the meeting. But well, better not be too happy. Im not too sure what my role is. Its been almost a week since the meeting and I havent heard from them.

Stephanie and I decided to try out for Silkair on Thursday. I went along wanting to gain more interview experience and decided this time, I was gonna be more professional about it. So I wore my psuedo business wear, brown stripey pants with a black round-tee with my hair in a bun, high and neat and my make up a little thicker to cover almost everything up. Lo' and behold, I walked into the interview room with 7 other girls, only to come with being almost the only one confident that I got through. And so I did, together with Stephanie and 2 other girls. Wow.

Thursday night, I trottled off to meet Audrey for dinner. And because my doggies came home about a hour late, I was an hour late meeting her. We strolled around Orchard looking for something to eat only to realise that we both have Kenny Roger's craving. Zooting off to Suntec in a bus, I threw my diet out the window and enjoy a big plate of Macaroni and Cheese.

But it was a good weekend, particularly Sunday. Saturday was spent mostly waiting for Blackie cos he had an army recall or whatever they call it. He left at 3 and din come back til about 7ish and by then was too tired to anything except dinner and met his friends for some late night Jalan Kayu Roti Prata. But Sunday was magnificent. Sure, it rained just about the whole day and made both of us really lethargic and sleepy, but we managed to go to Orchard for me to spend my $150 Taka voucher on a swimming costume (BLAARDY $60 FOR THE SILKAIR INTERVIEW) and some much needed concealer. Then, his mother cooked dinner which was delish! Curry Veggie, fried charsiew in some funky tasting delicious sauce, deep fried ikan billis and luncheon meat with nothing except crisp and oil. Again, throw my diet off the window!

Then we came home with a full belly, threw rose petals on the bed, lit some candles and made wild passionate love.

Yeah right, in my dreams.

You have been unsuccessful

Oh well, at least I tried. But I think Im not too disappointed by the fact that I got rejected, I am more dejected by the fact that I have to continue my hunt for a job. To think something so near can be so far. Thats tough.

But all is not lost I guess, although I might not have learnt a lot from this interview experience. I haven't really understand what they are looking for. But I made some friends during this short period of time. I guess having gone through the same process, we understand each other feelings and emotions. So for those that didn't make it, IT'S THEIR LOST! And for those who did, GOOD LUCK!!!! I wish everyone all the best.

I can't sleep. Blacks is currently happily in dreamy land. But I can't sleep. Not sure why. Just have things on my mind. Nothing significant. Just stuff.

Blacks and I saw the flat that I want. Tampines Ave 6.

E-Day

Firstly, just want to thank everyone for words of encouragement. I know the RIGHT job will come at the RIGHT time. I just simply hate the waiting game.

Anyhoo, tomorrow I am trotting off for my 2nd Emirates interview. I am unprepared and I don't even know how to prepare for it. Just use my natural charms...hehe....Will see how.

Do I wish I get it? Hmm, I don't know. In some ways, I do. For reasons like feel validated and assured and monetary, financial reasons. In other ways, I am unsure of the relocating, leaving and casting all and everyone aside. I guess when the time comes, if the time comes, I will just have to make a decision. For now, WISH ME LUCK!

Drey: Just in case you are reading, meet me this week if you free k? Just you and me lah, I'll ask Blacks to find his own activity. Very long time no see you. Like have a lot to catch up on.

Weepy Night

Very weepy tonight. I'm not sure whether it was because of the show I was watching or that I was upset with Blacks being so late on a Friday night when he told me that he would be back 4 plus then 8 then now at 10 he is no where near home. Or that I see no meaning to my life. No job. Nothing to do except to see each and every day of my life go by in a daze. Not sure what to do. Deprive of things I want to do.

I need meaning to my life. I need A LIFE. I need a job.

Not trying to sound suicidal but sometimes I wish I am somewhere else. Somewhere I don't have to think about money or have any worries. But where can that place be? But I doubt I will find the gut to take a knife to slash my wrist or throw myself off a building. For now, I shall just have to grit my teeth and ride through the storm.

Suddenly, the overachiever that I always feel I am seems like such the failure in life.

Now...that the party has ended.

Hmmm, back to reality. The National day party is over. All things go back to normal.

Oh before I forget, my humble boyfriend forgot to mention this in his last entry. I am proud to announce that Mr Blacks or TKL...recevied the award of Honour Graduate in his recent course. In laymen terms, I think he gotten 3rd place. Woohoo!!!!

Right. Reality. As I am sitting here pondering over my jobless state again. I can't help but wonder what I was brought to this world for? What is my true calling? What is the special task that GOD place me on? I was watching OPRAH (god bless that black woman!) just this afternoon and she featured the segment going out of your zone where people do something outta of the ordinary for them. A university lecturer became a strip dancer for 1 month. A interior designer traded lives with a 19 year old fish seller and a man petrified of the ocean went diving in the Bahama amond sharks.

"Live your life like it was the last day'"

I began to wonder what I would do. Close family and friends who knows me well, knows that I wanna be an actress. A model. Although I doubt my abilities and capabilities, but I think its more about me not having the guts to put myself forward and try.

My biggest fear in life is rejection.

How do I overcome this?

Nasty little things...

You probably have known from previous posts that I, Mr Blacks, had been busy on course since June. Today, 10th Aug, 05, its finally over. No more burnt weekends mugging literature articulating warfare, tactics, doctrines, training safety, and weapon capabilities. No more fretting over tests...

Looking back, I must say there are many first for me during the course... For one, I, Mr Blacks, have never been evacuated from a training ground to the medical centre. In my line of job, I need to conduct many training and exercise, and part of the training brief would entail to conducting a safety evacuation brief (basically a evacuation route and evacuation procedure)from the training area to the nearest medical facilities. But I have never "tested" the medical evacuation procedure before. That said, you probably can guess what had happened to me. During one of the training exercise, I was the "aggressor" defending a Built Up Area (BUA) and my role was to detect "Enemy" recce teams coming to my location. As all the troops were my peers, I put in extra effort in doing my job, just so that I can have bragging rights, should I capture one of my course mates...

we were tasked in to 3 main groups, 2 teams of 2 men covering the 2 different approaches while the rest of the aggressors will defend the BUA. I was tasked as one of the teams to cover the southern and most likely enemy approach. As the enemy I am expecting are the recce elements of the main force, and that them being recce elements, a high degree of security & surveillence enroute to the objective, stopping frequently, surveying the scene, before creping in slowly can, and must, be expected. What good will it be if my "aggressor" friend and me are brazenly walking on the track? Hence we decided that rather that patrolling the likely enemy route, we will wait in the bushes for the "enemy" to come to us... After a good hour, there they were, to the left of us, running across the track... i signalled to my friend and we creeped towards them, sometimes crawling ,most times crouching. we wanted to catch em from their rear thereby trapping them... Suddenly we hear gun shots. DAMMMIT!!! The other team has spotted them and fired at them. A brief firefight ensues while we try to exert our presence by closing in on them. The recce elements ran away, and the entire contact lasted no more than 2 minutes. As we cursed, we decided to RV back in the BUA asnd get an update on what happened.

We wadded thru the wet vegetation (from the morning dew) towards the track, I felt a sudden prick on my right calf. Gotta be a thorny bush, i thought to myself. I pulled my right calf away and i felt the prick again. What bloody bush is it man, so many thorns??? I peer back and look down on my calf and I spotted a few nasty looking bees/wasp like insect hovering around my calf. It was black, about 1~1.5cm, witha red band around its tail, I look back and I saw my friend started running towards me and instinctively we shouted "HORNET!!!"

We ran. We ran like hell. It was hard running thru the thick undergrowth under our feet. I had a smoke grenande, i remembered. I felt around my gear, felt something round, took it out, strobe light! I searched again, this time I felt another cylindrical object. I took it out. F*%K! TORCH LIGHT!!! where is my bloody smoke!?!! we managed to reach the track before I finally found my smoke grenade and I popped it and we ran towards the BUA and shoutting "hornets" like possessed men. When we reached the BUA, the nasty little bastards finally stopped going after us. . We comms back to HQ and a land rover with a medic was sent to our direction. I had majority of my stings at my right calf, back and I got one on my left ribs. The medic came, and immeidately sent us to the medical centre.

I was out of action, without firing a single round, without capturing anyone...

DAMMIT!!!

Happy National Day

9th August 2005. Singapore celebrates her 40th birthday. But is there anything significant to celebrate about? Obviously I won't be doing any celebrating. Blacks and I bid for NDP tickets online and we didn't get zilch. And I thought some sorta priviledge would accompany a SAF officer.

My beloved sister, E-lin, called me this evening and we spent most of the 20 mins conversation talking about Harry Potter. I read JK Rowling's website and a little about how she came up with the idea of Harry Potter but I really don't think she ever thought that her little wizard will cause an impact of such magnitude on the world. I can't seem to put the book down and I even dream about it! What I would give to be a witch. These days, with television beautifying all things that were used to be associated with evil. Being witches is such a cool thing.

Blacks and I caught 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' yesterday night. We went to Plaza Singapura and some promotional executive idiot has decided to place a mannequin in a red cheong sum and red veil in front of the gigantic poster of the new movie 'The maid'. It was so not funny when I turned and freaked out in public. So anyway, the movie was great, very entertaining.

As you can probably tell, I don't have a lot of inspiration for my blog tonight. Thoughts are flying everywhere but I am gonna try a National Day poem;

August 9th is National Day
I am Singaporean I'm so proud to say
Dances and songs and fireworks
And goodie bags with all the perks
For those at home on Tuesday night
Will celebrate with family and friends with might
Blacks and I will probably do
What you and her and him will too
Wake late, and laze and eat and laze
The day will go by in a daze
The Thursday will come and we will groan
In the passing of Wednesday we will moan
For back to work will my blacks blacks go
And hope the weekend won't come slow!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

So Un-becoming of me

I am for once gonna share something with people who read this blog that I feel displays my vunerability and is so un-becoming of me. God knows who reads this rubbish blog except my rubbish sisters and close friends hahaha.

Recently (well more like last Saturday), I went for an interview for Emirates to be a Cabin Crew. I had gone into their website and found out that they were holding a global assessment for Cabin Crew and I thought that I would like to try. Though as silly as it may seem, I didn't wanna try because 'its has been my childhood dream to be a Air Stewardess' (as many might say). I tried because of 2 main reasons; (1) I wanted to feel beautiful. (2) I wanted to match the rest of Black's friend's girlfriend who were flight attendents. I guess when you're an ugly duckling for so long, you'll do anything and everything to feel beautiful.

And so I did, to my suprise, I got through to the 2nd round of Interview and on Sunday, I went for a briefing session about the Second interview. 10am it started and 40 mins into the brief, I remembered thinking to myself 'what am I doing here? Look at the girls around you, where do you fit in?' I started to hyperventilate a bit and really think about the whole thing and whether I am ready to leave Singapore again and live in a foreign place. AGAIN.

Besides when I first have the thought of being an air stewardess, I wanted to be nothing else except a dignified Singapore Girl. Sure, everyone diss them nowadays. Everyone thinks the calibre has gone down the drain. But at the very least, its still SINGAPORE GIRL. Portrayed as Dignified. Poised. Beautiful. I wanna be that.

I will continue through Emirates interview. If I get it, I think I will regretfully decline but if I don't I won't think too much about it.

I have the most important job in the world now. I am Xiaohei's girlfriend. I am his pillar of support and the woman behind this successful man.

For people who know me before Xiaohei, this is why I say its so un-becoming of me.

The President Star Charity 2005

I think Singaporeans are still recovering from the NKF saga. I watched the President Star Charity yesterday and half hour into the show, they have only managed to collect $112,00.00. And at then end of the show, less than half a million received. I really pity Mediacorp cos I thought they pulled out all the stops. Fei Xiang, Deanne Yusoff, ZOE TAY and people from Cirque de Soeil. Luckily, there were kind donations from corporations that brought the amount up to about$3.7 million. I must admit, I didn't contribute anything to that amount. My family and I have not once called in to donate for charity. We don't feel the need to. Not because we are heartless or stingy. My mother is part of the Lions and her club makes it a point to visit the old folks home bringing them food and entertainment occassionally. Recently, I helped her with a blood drive and when I finally plucked up courage to donate myself, I got rejected. My dad when he was still in business have an annual charity drive where people pay X amount and drinks are on the house that night and all proceceds goes to the designated charity.

But I don't agree with dialing a number and $5, $20, $50 gets sucked outta my bank account immediately. When I watched a similar charity drive in Perth when I was studying, I was shocked at how different it was compared to Singapore. People can called in and pledge whatever they feel they can afford. So there are children who call in and donates $0.50 which they dug from their piggy bank. And the best thing is, the compares on TV recognise every effort by saying the name and how much they pledge. That should be the right way isn;'t it?

Doesn't every little contribution makes a difference?

Disappointment and all that Jazz.

I just received a letter from IE Singapore. Apparently the interview that I thought went so well didn't after all and I did not get the call back for the second interview. What did I do wrong? Where am I not good enough? I can't help but feel disappointed because I really thought the interview went well especially when I was pleasantly suprise I got through to the first interview. I just wanna feel that Im good enough for something. Because currently, I don't really feel that I am good enough.

Nonetheless, I guess I just have to brace myself for tomorrow's interview.

Will that perfect job come? Is there even a perfect job? Why do I feel so lousy about myself?

Disappointment. Sucks.

Jokes.

Here's a coupla jokes I heard over the weekend which I told was funny;

1. 两个白色的小东西。猜一个动物。
Ans: 小白兔。 小白-TWO.

2。两个白色的东西。猜一个国家。
Ans: Dubai (Two Bai)

3. 和尚梳头发。 猜一个国家。
Ans: Scotland. 苏格兰。（Shu-Ge-Lan...Hokkien)

Classic joke.

Yesterday after dinner, dad decided to bring us for a drive to see this magificent house that is around the vicinity of ours . Now, this house is amazing, its sitting on 2 plots of land and it looks like banyan tree. So after much 'wowing', we drove off and was approaching a road called 'lynnhurst'. Someone then decided to be smart and told dad to turn right on Lynnhurst road where there is a house that is nice then added 'now I SHOW YOU where a nice house'. First injury, dad din turn into Lynnhurst and completely ignore the instructions. Then to add insult to injury, dad commented 'Nahhh Lah. Where got nice the house?'. I was at the backseat and I couldn't stop laughing.

ROASTED.

Damnit! I typed a whole lotta stuff yesterday and it didn't publish!!!!! I now have to do everything again.

I am roasted. Just like a suckling pig. Yesterday, I went suntanning with my sister and Sheena at Tanjong Beach. It was all good until about few hours later I could feel my legs burning and I was looking for shade. The other 2 crazies was still sitting under the sun directly. But I am burnt. My right leg especially. Even bending my knees feels kinda funky.

Hmm,....about funky. Blackies is banning my for saying funky cos he says he doesnt know what it means. I have been saying that often I admit. The soup taste funky. I am having a funky sensation on my knees. The drink has a funky aftertaste. And when I tried to explain what funky is to him. I only managed to say 'its like.....funky lo'. No help. I know.

My poppy (daddy) turned 56 yesterday. We all went out for seafood. Echiing and I already looked like 2 lobsters. Jumbo seafood at indoor stadium. We had wanted to go to our favourite Eng Seng, well, we called in to order crabs but we forgot you can order crabs but you still need to queue for seats and man there was this gignormous queue. So anyway, the seafood was as fresh as our burns but the portions were pretty sad.

My week went surprisingly fast.

Saturday, Blacks and I got into this horrible fight which i can't even remember how it transpire to become so huge. But nonetheless it did and I walked away so I could give him some personal space. Which I did literally, walk away. From Orchard to Plaza Sing to Bugis to Lavendar to Kallang down Mountbatten Road to Old Airport Road and Crescent Road to home. 2 hours plus it took me. The walk made 2 big blisters on my foot but it cleared my head and made me so tired that I couldn't think of anything else. Im glad we are over that.

Sunday was much better, we went off to see his father who is in the hospital for high fever, low BP and internal infection. His colour returned to his face and he even chatted. We then had dinner before returning home, regretful that we spoilt our own Saturday.

Monday and Tuesday I was the designated driver for Blacks who needed me to send him and fetch him to and from work because of his work schedule. It was a little tiring but I enjoyed the company.

Wednesay I met up with my gal, Dreyno for the day. We spent the entire day at queenways looking for formal yet funky, black yet not dullish black and reasonable priced shoes. Of course, we didnt managed to find one that fitted all 3 criteria. So then we trottled off to Ikea who was having sale. She saw a shelf she wanted to buy so we approached the sales guy when we couldnt find it. He asked if we wanted delivery. I drove that day so we shook our heads and said no need cos we drove. The yound sales person ask if we were driving a van. I said no, a car. And he politely reminded me that it wouldn't fit because the shelf is 2 m in height. I then also politely reminded him that my backseats can be folded down. He shooked his head and told me it still wouldnt fit but we can try if we want and if it really dosnt fit, just bring it back up and get a refund. We laughed and went off to collect the shelf. While waiting I saw another shelving unit that was 1.71m, I looked at that and then audrey and told her 'babe, I don't think it will fit'. We both started laughing at our own stupidity. Of course, we didn't end up picking the shelf. Backseats can fold down. Yeah right. So what?

My Dog. The Bee Killer

I wonder if its retribution

I think I just got my retribution for 'molesting' that girl on Sunday. God has decided to punish me. In the most painful of all fashion. I was 'blessed' with urinary tract infection or peeing glass. That is went you have this insatiable urge to pee every 10 seconds and everytime u do, its only a few drops and it feels like u are peeing glass because of all the pain. In severe cases like mine this time, there is immense amount of blood in your pee. I got a shock and almost thought I had cancer. And then I went online to read UTI again and this time I read that it can affect the kidneys! I AM NOT GONNA BE HOOKED UP TO A DIALYSIS MACHINE.

Rushed to the doctor who was shock at the blood in my pee. Give me the reasons for UTI and ways to prevent it. Then decide to give me a strong dose of antibotics. Advice: Drink more water, just pee, wipe properly and no sex. NO SEX?!?!?! Haaaa....oh well, I am having my fair share of orgasm now with the painful peeing. Its painful, sending shivers down my spine, tingling sensation everywhere. Its like orgasm isn't it? Oh well.....heh

Forgive me for I have sinned.

Forgive me for I have sinned

Oh Father, forgive me for I have sinned.
I grabbed someone else's ass by mistake this evenin'.
War of the Worlds was what we watch tonight
It didn't meet my expectations and it didn't seem right.
But then the movie was over and we left the cinema
As I was walking out I got distracted and was in a dilemma
For the ass I was grabbing wore something else
And when I turn it was really someone else!
I grabbed a woman's ass by mistake
I think she felt offended and muttered 'for goodness sake'
And she frowned at her boyfriend as I blushed and looked for blacks
Who stood just behind them and was giggling sacks
I almost died with embarassment and was made worse
When the woman and her boyfriend shared the same lift with us!

Dear Child, hail Mary Mother of God. I release you from your sin.
And to him, you shall be forgiven.
And I hope this incident will be ever forgotten.

by the sinner herself, ecky poo-chan

You're no smarter than a kopi kiah*

Last weekend I visted my dad at the nursing home with eck as part of ur weekend "routine". We chatted a bit that day and I can't really remember what the conversation transpired from but it ended with him asking me if I know how to make a cuppa coffee. Naturally I said no (unless its the 3-in-1 kind...). He then replied,"then you are no smarter than a kopi kiah*!"

I thought that was quite a powerful message. Yeah, Ihave a B. Engg degree. So what? I may have found a little success and satisfaction in certain aspects of my life so far. But still, so what?? I do not know EVERYTHING in the world.

Ask! if you do not know. More so for me due to my profession. As a leader in the Army, men and subordinate will look up to us. Leaders, seemingly has all the answers to all of the worlds biggest problems. Leaders of men are always perceived to know EVERYTHING. But do we?? We dont know everything, so please ask. Theres nothing embarassing about saying "I do know". Whats more embarassing is not to make an attempt to find out.

Remember I always end with a quote? well here goes...
"Ask once, you will be the fool once. Ask none, and you will be the fool, always"

Insomnia

Had one of those nights where I laid in bed and couldn't sleep because I had like a million random ideas coming towars me. Business ideas, general ideas...everything and anything that can come to mind came. I laid there and watched black black sleep so soundly I was almost jealous. He seems to be able to fall asleep instantly all the time. I need to find work.....exhaust me a little.

I have been on a week of wanting to lose weight. I wanna go to slimming centres, eat dieiting pillings and the latest one I heard is massaging the fats away. I wonder which will work better? Also, thought about detoxing next week....hmmm....lets think about it....

Forgot something

Forgot something I wanted to type yesterday...

Congratulations Mark. You're alright.

L.O.V.E

'Love and marriage, love and marriage

They go together like a horse and carriage

This I tell you brother

You can't have one without the other'

Love and Marriage, Frank Sinatra, 1955

Somehow this song pop into my head when someone told me this week that she was getting married. Imagine this, they were on this romantic spa holiday. He planned this surprise for her for her birthday, probably knowing full well that he was gonna pop the question. The guy battled with the urgency to pop the question the whole holiday. Thinking and re-thinking how was the most perfect way to ask. Anxious for her to say 'OH YES!!!' yet worried that she might reject him. The day finally came to ask, the moments tick by as he hold her hand. Words are something that suddenly seem so foreign. Fear settled in. 'Oh heck', he thought.

'Will you marry me?', a breath of relieve as he asked. Short, sweet, traditional. Simple. Thats how she likes it.

The seconds tick by again as she took in the moment. How did he plan this? How come I never found out? What should I say? How should I phase it? Oh...of course! I know!

'Why not?'. Thats her answer.

THATS HER ANSWER!?!?!?!?!?! Well. Im not too sure if the guy was taken aback but her aloofness. Sure I'll be over moon just because she had agreed but WHY NOT? What happened to tears welling up the eyes, you fan ur hands just trying to keep the tears from rolling. You becomes breathless and when you finally caught your breath, you let out a loud but airy 'YEEEESSS'. Imaginery fireworks then brighten the sky that is above both of you and he comes hug you, tighter and more loving than ever. Then he cups his hands on your cheeks, his tears well up because of all the emotions, but he kisses you. Passionately. Its the most memorable kiss ever. Most passionate. Longest. Perfect.

Why not?